Sexyness Unleashed: The Diary of Kyou Souma
by xKYOU SOUMA
Summary: The sick twisted diary of Kyou Souma.
1. Chapter 1

**Kyou Says:**

_Whoot?_

-

**Page One---**

_Oh yeah!_

New diary. Fresh white pages with unicorn print and the smell of wet pants.

I feel like Shigure. _Tee hee, I'm gonna go touch Yuki now._

-

**Page Two---**

_Oh my god, I'm out of sexy pills!_

_Meep!_

-

**Page Three---**

Sexy pills are part of my diet.

Milk. Fish. Milk. Sexy pills. Fish. Milk. Fish. Yuki's toe. Milk.

-

**Page Four---**

Kazuma's my hero. Next to Micheal Jackson and Martha Stewart. _Who else moves so slick and cool? _

-

**Page Five---**

Furuba Chatroom.

Where my fangirls find cyber from yours truly.

-

**Page Six---**

**stupid-kyou-fangirl: **i wana drink ur piss! ur heavenly golden pee of lyfe!

**kyou-tha-best-cant-touch-dis-cuz-u-an-ugleh-shit-head: **I love you too!

-

**Page Seven---**

cYB3R pwns j00 a$$!11

-

**Page Eight----**

_Sing fangirls of the world! Kyouism will unite us all!_

-

**Page Nine---**

Furuba lacks something.

Something every anime must have or wants. _**Explosions! **Whoo!_

-

**Page Ten---**

**"What're you cooking, stupid cat?" **

**"Shut up! You'll find out later."**

**"Why're you pouring gun powder into th---."**

**-**

**Page Eleven---**

Okay, okay.

So the explosion thing didn't work. _But least my face got that sexy shine again._

Plus, it got Yuki into a coma.

SCORE!

-

**Page Twelve---**

**"I love you Kyou Souma! I want to have your babies!"**

**"I do too, Kazuma. I do too."**

**-**

**Page Thirteen---**

**"I love you Kyou Souma! I want to put my -CENSOR- , into your -CENSOR-."**

**"You have such a way with words, Yuki!"**

**-**

**Page Fourteen---**

**"Ahh!"**

**"What happened?"**

**"I've had a dream." **

**"About...?"**

**"Tohru wearing lingerie!" **

**"MEEP!"**

**-**

**Page Fifteen---**

Keep the lingerie away from her!

_Run like hell, boys!_

-

**Page Sixteen---**

**"Where'd all my bras and thongs go?"**

**"I dunno. Wanna look inside my pants to check?"**

**-**

**Page Seventeen---**

**"What happened Tohru?"**

**"According to Kyou, I've been _Kyourized."_**

**-**

**Page Eighteen---**

_Who's next? _

_M'hm, that's right, people, I'm a lean mean, big sexy sex machine._

-

**Page Twenty---**

Going to cry my eyes out here.

My fangirls are in love with this so-called _Naruto _bullshit.

-

**Page Twenty-Three---**

_they.must.pay._

**-**

**Page Twenty-Four---**

HISS.

-

**Page Twenty-Five---**

Keep those sweaty bastards away from me!

-

**Page Twenty-Six---**

_Don't make me go Jackie Chan on yo' ass!_

-

**Page Twenty-Seven---**

Jackie Chan is KEWL.

-

**Page Twenty---**

**"I'm cooler than Jackie Chan!"**

**"To be honest, Kazuma-sensei, Shigure's poo is cooler than you."**

**-**

**Page Twenty-Two---**

_Shigure's poo's so smelly, it burnt a hole through the wall!_

-

**Page Twenty-Three---**

**"Liar, liar! Pants on fire!"**

**"Nuu! My sexy pants are on fire!"**

**-**

**Page Twenty-Four---**

Who lives in a pineapple under Yuki's boxers?

CandyKyou SexyAss.

_That's right, ladies, enjoy the cartoon parodies, just until I get into your pants._

-

**Page Twenty-Five---**

_Squee!_

Tohru's made cat-shaped cookies!

_Take THAT, Yuki!_

-

**Page Twenty-Six---**

**"Who cares about that?"**

**"I do, you. TRANSVESTITE!"**

**"Gaspe! _How'd you know?"_**

**-**

**Page Twenty-Seven---**

Yuki's a transvestite.

_tee hee._

-

**Page Twenty-Eight---**

cYB3R 4 br3AKFst.

-

**Page Twenty-Nine---**

_I wanna be a kids next door._

_But alas, I'm too sexy for those kids._

_O woe is me._

-

**Page Thirty---**

Kids next door! Kids next door! Kids next door!

Nananana nananana! Kids next door! Kids next door!

**-**

**Page Thirty-Two---**

**"Can I be a Kids Next Door?"**

**"No, Hatori. You're too old, and you reek of old persons."**

**"Awh! I suck!"**

**-**

**Page Thirty-Three---**

Kyou's the sexx.

-

**Page Thirty-Four---**

Perv jokes make me giggle!

-

**Page Thirty-Five---**

**"Tohru, what's your favorite cartoon?"**

**"Flinstones."**

**"Yeah? Well, wanna see me make your BEDROCK?"**

**". . ."**

**-**

**Page Thirty-Six---**

_Disco!_

_-_

_First chapter's done. Take THAT, Yuki! _

_Squee._


	2. Chapter 2

**Kyou Says:**

I own nothing. Unfortunately. Just being random here, honestly, I'm thirteen. Must I be so limited to being thought of as _smart_? I don't think so.

Yes, I'm a wee-tawd, don't rub it in.

-

**Page Thirty-Seven---**

_Sexyness. Idiocy. And a pocket full of Juicy Fruit._

Just too overwhelming for you, huh?

-

**Page Thirty-Eight---**

School is rough.

-

**Page Thirty-Nine---**

I'm such a good role model.

I volunteered at Hiro and Kisa's school, and I like, fully pulled my pants down, like

totally. The kids were all like, _"Omg! That guy's got a snake in his pants! Holy crap!"_

**- **

**Page Fourty---**

This kid was crying about her dead grandma.

So I cheered her up.

-

**Page Fourty-Two--- **

**"Listen, kid, your grandma is NEVER coming back. She's a dead corpse that's probably lying in some sea with some dolphins feeding on her brains." **

**". . ." **

**- **

**Page Fourty-Three---**

I am _so _totally sensitive.

Honestly.

Time to blow out some brains on Halo 2.

-

**Page Fourty-Four--- **

**"Kyou-kun, I've made marshmellow puffs!" **

**"What the hell? I need manly food!" **

**- **

**Page Fourty-Five---**

Kraft Dinner is manly food.

-

**Page Fourty-Six--- **

**"No it isn't." **

**"Yes it is, what do you know about being manly? You're a chick!" **

**"I'm a boy!" **

**- **

**Page Fourty-Seven---**

Holy shit!

Kureno's a man!

Eww! I've been imagining dirty sex with a _man?_

-

**Page Fourty-Eight---**

_I'm telling you, Kyou Souma is way cooler than the X-Men._

Damn straight.

-

**Page Fourty-Nine---**

How do you spell vagina?

-

**Page Fifty--- **

**"You just did." **

**"Holy shit I'm pwnsome." **

**- **

**Page Fifty-One---**

_Pwnsome is a way of life._

Thou shall not question the Kyou Souma way.

-

**Page Fifty-Two---**

Ew!

-

**Page Fifty-Three---**

Yuki's doing it with a _pillow!_

-

**Page Fifty-Four---**

He says, _practice makes perfect!_

-

**Page Fifty-Five---**

Perhaps, _I _should do it with a pillow.

-

**Page Fifty-Six---**

Darn.

Tohru beat me to it.

-

**Page Fifty-Seven---**

Stupid Tohru.

-

**Page Fifty-Eight---**

I'm gonna pop a cap in her ass.

-

**Page Fifty-Nine---**

Complications have lead to the delay of Tohru being capped in the ass.

-

**Page Sixty---**

_Kureno's a pretty man._

-

**Page Sixty-One---**

That Uotani's hogging him.

-

**Page Sixty-Two---**

I'm gonna pop TWO caps in her ass.

-

**Page Sixty-Three---**

As soon as I get a cap and a pop.

-

**Page Sixty-Four---**

More complications have lead to the delay of Uotani being capped twice in the ass.

-

**Page Sixty-Five---**

I be straight _trippin'._

-

_Whoo! _

_Second chapter's done. _

_I feel proud. _

_;-;_


End file.
